on dreams and lost love

Today, I woke up much earlier than I normally do. In fact, this is the fourth morning in a row this has happened. The fourth time my dream has been invaded by the same person. The fourth night that I have seen, one who I believe is one of my soulmates.

I don’t know why this is happening. I don’t know why five years after she left I still ache to see her and feel her touch. I miss her.

I don’t remember the dreams. I only remember her being in them. In them I feel as though I’m mute and can’t speak out to her. It feels as though I’m so close to reaching her but can’t.

Five years ago, as we were in the throws of our dying marriage and its last breaths being taken, I remember at the very end thinking I had exhausted every effort possible to convince her not to leave… even giving up my dignity, getting on my knees begging her not to leave… begging her. There was no convincing her to stay. She was resolute. I said everything I could except goodbye.

I never said goodbye.

[Deist gets out of bed and gets in the shower]

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6 responses to “on dreams and lost love

  1. i just read your blog, touching. i was searching for people who have similar blogs to mine. check mine out, it’s also about a dream.
    http://shohini-blackcoffe.blogspot.com

  2. Pingback: Burmeselev.Com » on dreams and lost love

  3. There is a wonderful quote in a wonderful book by Thomas Moore called Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationships. The quote goes
    We may find a soul partner in many different forms of relationship – in friendship, marriage, work, play and family. It is a rare form of intimacy, but it is not limited to one person or to one form

    You wrote very touchingly and as someone who has just recently gone through a divorce I understand those last gasps. Grappling for the side as your falling off the edge of the precipice of “happily ever after”.

  4. Thanks Bibliomom… I think that quote is quite true, that we are not limited to only one soul’s partner but are gifted with many. I’ve “run into” one or two here and there… like my good friend Lillet, who is like a sister to me. I “heard” (read) you mention your recent divorce. They’re difficult and on those stress tests is considered to be as painful as the death of a loved one. Thanks for the comment.
    Julian

  5. Pingback: of dreams and lost love (part 2) « A UU Deist in Texas

  6. Pingback: brains in vats and tiny universes « A UU Deist in Texas

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