Today was a pretty lazy morning. Slept in a little. Made breakfast and turned on the tube.
The History Channel was showing something about giant squids and for some reason I was sucked in. Not that it was just so interesting that I couldn’t peel myself away but it had the tempo of one of those reality shows where they convinced me that I just had to see if gynormo squids really exist.
So every seven and a half minutes or so, the suspense was broken up with commercials. And not just any commercials but info info info, mercials mercials mercials.
It was all i could do to keep myself from dialing the phone. As convinced as I was to see if there really is some sort of man-eating squid, I was equally convinced I had to have the Samurai Shark. I mean I’ve got knives and scissors. They all cut well enough but they could be “razor sharp!” And who knows when I would need to cut a sponge!
Then there was this! The footpad detoxifier. You stick it to your foot at night and it sucks all the toxins in your body while you sleep. It’s like a good chupacabra. I actually pulled my credit card out and began dialing but I stopped. I’m still thinking i should get these but I’m a little afraid to see how black the little pads would turn. bleh! So i didn’t buy it yet.
I was diggin the GS27 scratch remover. It’s supposed to remove any scratch anywhere. But i guess I actually can live without this.
Then there was the perfect pushup system. I mean it was invented by a U.S. Navy Seal! And look at the screenshot. You get ripped fast! this one i might need to remember… hey, “when you got my kinda stats it’s hard to get a date”.
Then i saw the Zorbeez. It picks up 20oz of fluid. And why wouldn’t it… it has the X27 Exclusive Fiber. It helps you save the environment, too… “the average family spends $100 per year on paper towels. that’s cash in the trash!” according to Billy Mays.
I mean every good UU wants to help the environment right. I’m in. I’m getting this. No, maybe the push up thing. No wait, I do want to have razor sharp scissors though. No, no… black feet. yeah, that’s it blackfeet.
ANNNND… to sweeten the deal, they send you replacements free.
Go on wit ya bad self Billy Mays. [beeep] Marker!