TV watchin on a Saturday

Today was a pretty lazy morning. Slept in a little. Made breakfast and turned on the tube.

The History Channel was showing something about giant squids and for some reason I was sucked in. Not that it was just so interesting that I couldn’t peel myself away but it had the tempo of one of those reality shows where they convinced me that I just had to see if gynormo squids really exist.

So every seven and a half minutes or so, the suspense was broken up with commercials. And not just any commercials but info info info, mercials mercials mercials.

It was all i could do to keep myself from dialing the phone. As convinced as I was to see if there really is some sort of man-eating squid, I was equally convinced I had to have the Samurai Shark. I mean I’ve got knives and scissors. They all cut well enough but they could be “razor sharp!” And who knows when I would need to cut a sponge!

Then there was this! The footpad detoxifier. You stick it to your foot at night and it sucks all the toxins in your body while you sleep. It’s like a good chupacabra. I actually pulled my credit card out and began dialing but I stopped. I’m still thinking i should get these but I’m a little afraid to see how black the little pads would turn. bleh! So i didn’t buy it yet.

I was diggin the GS27 scratch remover. It’s supposed to remove any scratch anywhere. But i guess I actually can live without this.

Then there was the perfect pushup system. I mean it was invented by a U.S. Navy Seal! And look at the screenshot. You get ripped fast! this one i might need to remember… hey, “when you got my kinda stats it’s hard to get a date”.

Then i saw the Zorbeez. It picks up 20oz of fluid. And why wouldn’t it… it has the X27 Exclusive Fiber. It helps you save the environment, too… “the average family spends $100 per year on paper towels. that’s cash in the trash!” according to Billy Mays.

I mean every good UU wants to help the environment right. I’m in. I’m getting this. No, maybe the push up thing. No wait, I do want to have razor sharp scissors though. No, no… black feet. yeah, that’s it blackfeet.

ANNNND… to sweeten the deal, they send you replacements free.

Go on wit ya bad self Billy Mays. [beeep] Marker!

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11 responses to “TV watchin on a Saturday

  1. Don’t leave us in suspense: are there really gynormo man-eating squids?

    Funny post, btw.

  2. LOL! ha ha ha… you know I actually thought “oh need to go back and add some snarky remark about what the conclusion was.” I forgot. so they had punctured the flap part of a smaller squid with a camera. It swam down about 1,000 feet in to the dark deep. There was about two seconds of blurry tentacles of what the experts on the boat said was a ginormous (don’t mean to use those scientific technical terms on ya) squid. So yes… apparently there are humongonormous squids. thanks for stopping by Jeff.

  3. Pingback: History Channel Com

  4. Yeah… I too would get sucked in by squids on television. Thanks for clearing up what happened – I couldn’t stand it any more. Ha! ;)~

  5. It’s funny how fascinated we are about all the bad gunk that may or may not be in our body. If someone *gave* some of those foot pads, I’d be all over that.

    Funny post.

  6. I think they would sell a whole lot more of the detox foot pads if they renamed them “Chupapies.” It works well in English and Spanish. (I should register the domain name.)

    amuirin sent me over here, and now I know why. Although she linked to my pig collection post. She should have linked to my dirty foot tales post instead.

    I love the notion of a giant squid. It reinforces my deep belief that humans do not belong anywhere oceans or seas.

    Good to know you’re here. I’ll be back.

  7. hi ybonesy… thanks for stopping by. I’ve stopped by your place before… probably through Amuirin’s “steamed pears” : )

    One post I remember had a picture of a marooned fish. I’ll have to stop by more often… love the pics that accompany the posts.

    There are number of the images that remind me of going down to the valley to visit my aunt down in Edinburg. good stuff you have there.

  8. hi ybonesy… thanks for stopping by. I’ve stopped by your place before… probably through Amuirin’s “steamed pears” : )

    One post I remember had a picture of a marooned fish. I’ll have to stop by more often… love the pics that accompany the posts.

    There are number of the images that remind me of going down to the valley to visit my aunt down in Edinburg. good stuff you have there.

  9. hey jules
    hey jules

    there’s an echo in your blog
    there’s an echo in your blog

    8)

  10. =))
    ok, i’m gonna leave both my comments up so yours makes since…. BUT in my defense, WP was having some sort of issues… ok, maybe it was my ‘puter connection.

    When i first saw your comment on my e-mail i thought, “echo?… what is bonesy talkin about? oh, must be the commercials mercials mercials and the way it reads”

    when i took look on my page this morning i laughed and was like, “oohhhh” 😀

  11. 2 or 3 years ago I e-mailed OxyClean and told them I wouldn’t buy squat from that perv with shorts 2 sizes too small Billy Mays. And just the other day I see he is back on TV selling something else. Without any prompting from me my friend says,”I wouldn’t buy !@#$ from that guy!” and so I told my friend my story.
    That guy couldn’t sell oxygen to emphazema patients!
    Just like Aflak, he needs to shut the duck up.
    He targets the less fortunate and victimizes us all in the process.

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