I heard something interesting on the radio today. Yesterday apparently is the day when more people find out about a coming divorce than any other day of the year.
The radio station had listeners call in and confirm what they thought… which was that couples wait to get through the holidays (for whatever that reason may be) and then lower the boom right as the new year begins.
One woman who called is a legal secretary at a one-attorney firm and she said yesterday they had 25 new divorce cases, which she said is very heavy volume for their small firm.
I thought it was quite sad.
UUs have been on the forefront of marriage news in the past few years… helping people get married… specifically gay couples.
But what I’d like to know is what do we do… and I guess I’m specifically asking our clergy… what do you do to help people stay married.
We have activists in our congregations, supporters of gay marriage, friends
and family who “stand on the side of love” but what does our faith teach, what do our congregations do to get any couple prepared for the long haul and what example do we, as members set to KEEP them married.
In the six years I’ve been a UU I cannot recall ever hearing a minister give advice on staying married, announce a sermon series on marriage or preparing for marriage or host workshops for staying/preparing for marriage. Whether in the pulpit of my congregation, at General Assembly, podcasts of dozens of UU ministers I plug into now and again,
blog posts, etc., I haven’t seen or heard any advice on getting through the tough times of marriage.
The radio jocks prodded one woman asking her a couple of times “you mean you’re really considering not getting a divorce even though he was unfaithful?” as if she were completely moronic to not get a divorce. She called to say she was consulting with a lawyer but hadn’t decided yet what she was going to do.
What would you do as a minister? What would you do as a fellow congregant?… a fellow human being? Would you advise staying in or getting out? Which is the easier consultation? Obviously every scenario has it’s nuances and details but where do you draw the line?… money issues, boredom, infidelity, physical abuse? Which I guess is where I started this? What does our faith as UUs tell us about keeping a marriage together?
“… for better or for worse.” What does that mean to any of us in this country?