My dad is currently single. My stepmom has been out of town since Valentine’s Day and gets back today. So for the past few days my dad has been gorging himself on Heath bite size candy bars, the golf channel, queso dip and Bush lite beer. This is rather detrimental to his health because of diabetes so the stepmom needs to get back quick.
So last night he tells me to go have dinner with him. “C’mon… I’m your dad. Go have some beers with me. Hey… it’s not every day I’m single and get to do this.”
Basically i get guilted into going. It’s like having a Jewish mom who sounds like a man with a Mexican accent talk you into doing something you know you should do but don’t really want to. If my dad sounded more like a woman, had a Yiddish type lilt to the way he spoke it would be right on the money. He already observes his Sabbath from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown.
Anyway, so I go to his house and am waiting to go when all of a sudden he does this.
“Whoah! excuuuuuuse me!”
“Dad… you think Jesus ever farted?”
My dad fancies himself a “true” Christian (all others are hacks and wannabes) and believes himself to be quite knowledgeable on Biblical interpretation.
He didn’t hesitate with his answer.
“Of course. Of course he did. I’m sure there were times he ate something that you know… maybe too much vegetables or combination of goat milk or something. Or maybe he didn’t chew enough times. Or just after a big meal he was sitting there and and you know… just let it rip.”
😐 blink… blink… blink…
“i think maybe i ate too much candy. ok, let’s go get some beers.”
Later that night I hit the head and well like dad said, “you know…”
What do ya think about that?… UUs can live a Christ-like life.
[Deist gets in the shower and begins singing… “for the Bible tells me so.”