Category Archives: death

an entire year has passed


If I had published my previous post and deliberately intended for it to be the first thing people see here for an entire year, I would have never been able to do it. If that had been my intention to sit away from my blog for an entire year, I’m certain I wouldn’t have been able to.

My history is replete with examples of me trying to do or not do something for a specified period of time so I’m certain I would have failed at keeping away from my blog for a year but here I am an entire year TO THE DAY without a single post. Success!!

Wait, whuh? confused

Years back, when I was entrenched in WordPress and lived for the comments and posts of the small circle of blogging friends I had, I sometimes wondered to myself, “how long will this go on?  Will we be writing and following each others’ accomplishments and disappointments 5, 10, 20 years from now?”

I sometimes wondered what happens if/when a beloved blogging friend dies? How will we know? How do we find out?

I thought about in regards to myself. I should at least have the courtesy to let my blogging friends know I’ve kicked the bucket and am on the other side. I should right?

But how to do this?
I figured I’d write a post…  one last final entry here on the ol’ DeistFromTexas blog and schedule it to publish innnnn… I don’t knowwww…. let’s say two months. If I hadn’t keeled over in that time, I would simply back the date up another month or two. And keep doing that until one day I was in an urn on the mantle and in time…. tah dahhh one final post to say goodbye.

It must sound crazy to plan something like that but I think some will understand… I’m looking at you Amuirin, LazyBuddhist, Bibliomom, Ombud. During that first year or so of writing and logging in here at my little outpost of the interwebs, I became connected… so very connected, emotionally to many of you who visited my site.

Well, I never wrote that post. I never scheduled what I’d like to say. I never did the courteous thing. And as luck would have it….  I haven’t kicked the bucket.
I’m back.

And damn is it good to be alive!

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made it through another year


Yesterday I completed 44 years on this water covered rock and today begins my 45th.  Statistically speaking I have completed more than half of my life.  If I’m lucky, I guess I’ve got about 35… maybe 40 years left.

Weird to think about.  When I was younger I didn’t give it much thought.  As I notch another year behind me, I have to admit I’ve thought about it now and again for the past few years.

[sigh]

There is a bill that I have on automatic payment and of all the bills I have it’s the one I don’t mind seeing come around.  In fact, along with a few Buddhist teachings, my thoughts on spirituality and God, it is something that gives me solace about checking out of this body and moving on.

It’s my life insurance policy premium.  It will take care of The Deistette when I’m no longer around as well as Little Fawn (my wife and teenage daughter for new readers) should I reach an earlier than expected demise.

Unfortunately I made the mistake of only having it cover me until I reach age 63. 😦

I tried to get it extended last week to 30 years but the company said I couldn’t do it unless I just buy a whole new policy.  I’m thinking of doing it.

I have no problems with death. It’s just part of the cycle.  The problem I have is worrying about what will happen to my loved ones.  I get nervous and worried about their well-being.

I’m sure things will be ok. For now, I’ll just have some cake.

Wow… it looks like I’ve already checked out and descended into the seventh level of hell doesn’t it.

last minutes with Oden


I’m a member at Vimeo.com and get an update every day as to the newest vids.  This place is much different from YouTube in that the community is made up mostly of amateur, semi-pro and pro film makers. And these people are putting out some very amazing work.

To recognize those who stand out in this pool of film makers, this weekend organizers are holding the inaugural Vimeo Festival and Awards.

I learned of the documentary below through my vimeo daily update in December of ’09 (at least that’s when I first created this post and subsequently left it in the draft bin)

For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to post it. I don’t know why.  It reminds me a lot of how I felt about my little buddy who I had to let go of in May of 2002 though.  But I found out on NPR’s website today that “Last Minutes with Oden” is one of the top five finalists in the documentary category.

Be prepared to whip out the tissue while watching it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “last minutes with Oden“, posted with vodpod

what if the end was coming in 4 hours


I absolutely love Vimeo these days. On days when I eat lunch at my desk, I’ll look through the site to see if I can find a little gem in there. Found another one.

I stumbled over this movie short about a week ago. It’s interesting and poses the same question as most end-of-the-world films… what would you do? Who would you want to be with? What would you say?… if you knew it was the end.

It’s an interesting take and I find it funny, odd and sad how this couple spends their last remaining hours on earth.

Continue reading

cyclists hit in South Texas, one dead


This is an unbelievable tragedy and something I fear as I get on my bike near my neighborhood in the evenings. A number of times I’ve had vehicles come dangerously close and for no reason other than to just be assholes.

The above picture however does not capture the moronic behavior of an ignorant redneck, cell phone using teen or just plain dumb ass.

No, it captures the act of a criminal… hopped up on drugs and drunk off his ass.

I’m afraid the Texan in me comes out when i see or hear of something like this and the UU in me gets placed to the rear.

My thoughts about what should happen to this person goes against what most UUs think about the value and worth of life. It goes against the Buddhist thought of not inflicting pain or suffering on sentient beings. It goes against my own thought of not harming others…

but this son of bitch should fry.

[Deist shakes his head and rubs his sore knee from yesterday’s 10-mile bike ride]

Death of a Salesman


I used to be a desk jockey in corporate America and had several dozen sales reps who came courting.

I became close friends with a handful of them and continue to keep in touch with three or four of them still, despite leaving that job about a year and a half ago.

I found out one of my sales reps died recently. He was relatively a young man… about 45. When I heard the news it sucked the breath out of me for a second. And it was like my eyes were no longer looking at the road but searching inside my brain to make sense of it as well as reliving memories.

We had gone to several Astros games together Continue reading

time and tide…


Time and tide wait for no man. A friend of mine’s dad used to say that all the time about everything it seemed like. It was a sort of mantra i guess.

Seems as though we heard it often when pokey, slow young boys were dallying on chores or playing with the worms instead of hooking them and tending to the business of fishing.

And so, “time and tide” stuck in my head Continue reading

It’s officially Autumn for me


I received a voice message last night from a high school friend of mine who I haven’t seen in probably 10 years. Her message said, “Jules… it’s me Lisa T… remember from high school. God, I hate this. I wish I could see you in person to tell you this. I’ve got some bad news. Please give me a call.”

I felt like I was in the front car of the old Texas Cyclone and my stomach was in my throat. My first thought was our friend Dena had died. She’s struggled with obesity her whole life and well… it just isn’t healthy for her, so I naturally assumed. Although I don’t talk to them, there is some sort of comfort in believing a part of my past… these people who were at one time very good friends of mine and who hold fond memories for me, are still on this earth looking at the same sky I am.

When I called her back, the news was about Dena. However, it wasn’t about her death but her brother’s.

He was on an upswing in his life after fighting off the demons of drugs and alcohol… bad choices and prison. He died in a construction accident yesterday about 2:30pm.  This is the sad part of his death.  By the time he finally was able to get himself on a prosperous track, his time was up and he was called back home.

I’m three quarters of the way through my life… in the Autumnal phase. I suspect I am now at a time in my life where I will receive calls like this on a more frequent basis.

Rest in Peace, Russell.

the circle


I have a co worker whose mother died over the weekend….. Friday evening specifically. She lived a pretty long and rich life… i believe she was 84 years old but over the past few years her health declined rather rapidly and she passed away due to her illness.

Her funeral was held Monday.

I have another co worker who on Saturday morning gave birth to her baby girl.

It reminded me of this song by Live.