Category Archives: divorce

I have a ten year old little girl in my house


Faith has lived across the street from us for not quite a year. She, her mom and her two tween sisters moved in just after the school year started. I think that’s when it was. Maybe it was just before the school year. I can’t remember. Apparently, her mom went through a divorce and I assume couldn’t afford to keep her previous home and so began renting one of the little wood frame, shotgun type houses that sit on my street.

We haven’t really met Faith’s mom although I’ve seen her on a handful of occasions getting groceries out of the car or heading off for work. Turns out those times I’ve seen her were rather miraculous because the woman works about 18 to 20 hours a day! YES… 18 to 20 hours per day. This happens about five days a week. On the other two days she may work one of those days for eight hours.

There is something fundamentally wrong with the policies and culture of a country that claims to be the best in the world, yet there are still people who have to work that many hours of a day to provide the barest of essentials for their family.

And that is the reason I have a ten-year old little girl in my house.

Faith knows The Deistette from the bus stop. Continue reading

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A life changed in 30 days


I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile but kept feeling like I needed more time to grasp any meaning or to analyze what happened but I don’t know if there really is enough time to comprehend entirely the how and the why.  So a little more than a year later here’s my take on what happened to my dad and his wife and how their lives were upended.

You know… it can happen so quickly.   Your life as you know it completely changed; unmistakenly different from it was just the day before.  In the case of my dad and stepmother… 30 days.  It took  exactly 30 days for the transformation of their lives to be different to a point that it will never be what it was before.

In December of 2008, my dad’s wife of 30 years went to visit her brother near Dallas.  An important fact I should note is she has a disease that suppresses her immune system.  As a result she needs to be as careful she can about getting near any one who is sick or should cut herself.

Well she wasn’t as careful as she usually is and something got hold of her in December of ’08 that made her very sick.   The bacteria that attacked her body was strong and Continue reading

me and the little man


A couple of posts ago I talked about how The Deistette‘s Little Man had the crud and I was the one who stayed home with him.

Well since The Deistette found a job just a few weeks ago, I’ve been (not completely) but for the most part, in charge of getting him out of bed and getting him ready to go to pre-school.

For you parents who have done this you know the drill… trying to get the child up out of bed. Going back and telling them again to get up. Taking the blankets off of said child. Yelling up the stairs to get up. Going back and again removing the blanket, this time, to outside the room. Five minutes later going back to take the blanket off and bringing it downstairs.

Getting breakfast. Trying to explain why the child can’t wear his bathing suit trunks, cowboy boots and a wife beater undershirt. Giving medicine for the cold contracted from being at the pre-school. Cleaning the child off because he spilled medicine down his chin and neck. Giving medicine again.

I’m sure you get the idea. Every little movement… every little instance in trying to get ready is an extremely complex evolution that requires tremendous forethought and logistics.

So the reason for the forethought and logistics is because he has to be somewhere while The Deistette and I are at work.

So Emmie found a great little school for him to go to but the problem is it’s so far away. We figure, “hey it’s pretty cheap. We can do this.” Turns out to be a fantastic school and really helps The Little Man catch up on where he should be with writing his name and letters and other pre-schooley things.

Well, we couldn’t do it. Turns out it wasn’t as cheap as we thought. The drive was killing both me and the boy and ultimately we had to change him to another place closer to our house.

It sucks. To put him in one we can afford means putting him in a sub-par facility. Don’t get me wrong we didn’t put him in a dungeon. It just isn’t the same as when he had a teacher that really worked with him.

I hate it. I feel responsible. If I could have just woken up earlier. Woken him up earlier. Discovered clever ways to make him have a “good” morning vice the screaming, crying, “i-don’t-want-to-go-to-school” mornings. Found a way to afford it. It just sucks.

The Little Man looks up to me. He really likes me and he often says, “hold my hand Julian” when we go to the store or when I’m walking him to his little pre-school, which is a pretty friggin’ cool feeling. But taking his hand comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility that I’m not sure I’m up to.

I’ve never thought as myself as a very good dad. Pretty sure I wasn’t the best dad to Little Fawn I could have been. The Little Man’s daddy lives up in the panhandle right now and because I’ve chosen to be with his mommy, I’ve got to step up and fill those shoes.

Hope I don’t let him or his mommy down.
the-deist-and-the-little-man
The Little Man and The Deist

marriage for none… civil unions for all


Throughout the UU Blogosphere and on my own blog peeps list, I have seen this video popping up. No doubt why. Keith Olbermann’s commentary resonates loudly with liberal thinking people.

But despite his slant, Keith, asks a question which I think should send a red flag up for conservatives.
You see, I’m a bit of a conservative, too. I am a bit of a UU oddity in my political stance. I am a card carrying member of the Libertarian party. Some people call it, the Real Republican party or the Republican Party of Teddy Roosevelt.  I’m not a hard core Libertarian, but I agree with a little more of its platform than the others.

And so I’ve thought about this same sex marriage thing off and on for a few months… letting it kind of stew in mind a little and I came to the same conclusion this guy over at The Little Cog did. There should be no marriage licenses for anyone… civil unions for all. I don’t really get too riled up about many causes except the separation of church and state and the whole marriage equality thing i think can be argued to fall in that realm.

I mean marriage between two people is a religious construct. It is not a governmental institution. Why does the government need to recognize or sanctify (via a marriage license) a religious ceremony.

And so I’m asking you, the rare, politically conservative reader of my blog, does California’s Prop 8 and Keith’s commentary below send a red flag to your political stance.  If not… why?  Because if you truly believe in smaller government, if you truly believe the government should leave you alone, how can you possibly justify the government telling someone it is or isn’t ok to marry

I don’t understand.  Please tell me how you, as a political conservative, think it’s ok for the government to tell you whether it’s ok or not to do something as important as be with the one you believe you should be with.

And to quote Keith… why does this matter to you?

as one dies another is born


When I was in high school i had quite a few friends, mostly because I was in the band, and that time in my life holds fond memories for me. I’m fortunate in that regard because I know a lot of people whose high school memories are ones of angst, dislike mixed with feelings of inferiority and inability to fit in.

But being a band geek, i had a tribe of accepting friends who never made me feel like the dork I really was…. perhaps “still am” is more accurate.

But there were four girls who were not in the band that I also ran around with and they accepted me into their little circle. One overweight, rather bubbly and quasi popular girl…Lisa T. One very overweight, very bubbly and not so popular girl… Dena. One very tall (six feet) lanky diamond in the rough drill team member… Lisa L. and another drill team member Phyliss, who had moderate success breaking into the popular crowd until she moved away our junior year. Continue reading

a postscript to something more formal


p.s. – On a more personal note…You and I have an unusual anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks. The length of time that we’ve been apart will exceed the time we were together. I don’t know why that is such a milestone in my mind but it has affected me and made me sad the closer it comes.

So much can happen in five years. Complete and total transformation can happen in as little as five years. Definitely transformations have happened for me and L. … spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I feel quite in touch with The Divine, more so than ever in my life. I guess it’s been a couple of years now that L. and I can talk about memories of you and the kids without either one of us having our eyes well up or full blown crying. In fact, we sometimes laugh when remembering. I guess we have healed. And she is doing well and has grown up to be a rather brilliant and beautiful girl.

I wonder…

I wonder… if you ever think of me. I wonder if the kids think of me. And I wonder what you think of the relationship we had. For you, does our time together represent just a blink… a few seconds on the clock of an entire lifetime, a faint memory or was it meaningful. I often wonder what you think of what we had.

love always, me

~~~

Continue reading

Photos – sunflowers


I’ve been meaning to keep posting these but as I looked at all the negs I found I kept thinking,

“meh, this one sucks”

“oh yeah, i remember taking these. yep, they suck, too.”

“Oooh… and this set of pics. hello… suuuuhhhh-ck.”

I heard or read someone say recently, “perfection is death. Perfection is death to art.”

So here are a couple that i never printed but always liked. Didn’t print ’em because they were so flat. Very weak to no contrast. Probably something in the development and not the exposure I’m thinking. I had to really tweak the heck out of ’em in photoshop to get them to turn out at all.

i remember taking pics of my ex-wife in this field. Not my daughter’s mommy but my second wife. She had on a sunflower dress and it was blowing with the wind just like the sunflowers in the field. Her hair was long and blonde and blew in her face. I hadn’t thought of that in some time.

For some reason I can’t find that roll of negs. Wish I could. Glad I found these though.

sunflower images ©2000 rjz

to have and to hold from this day forward…


I heard something interesting on the radio today. Yesterday apparently is the day when more people find out about a coming divorce than any other day of the year.

The radio station had listeners call in and confirm what they thought… which was that couples wait to get through the holidays (for whatever that reason may be) and then lower the boom right as the new year begins.

One woman who called is a legal secretary at a one-attorney firm Continue reading