Category Archives: funny

reverting to childhood


I’ve been accused by more than a few people (blog peeps and local peeps alike) of being a 12 year old boy trapped inside a 40 year old body.

I’m sorry… I can’t help but laugh though when I play this game.  And I am NO gamer.  It’s just not my thing.  I have too much stuff to do over wasting time online playing games but THIS!…

I don’t even care if I die.  I just like pushing the up arrow to hear the sound. LOL!  Sorry… everyone’s got a little bit of 12 year old mentality inside though don’t ya think.

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a day in the life of the UU Deist in Texas


ok, so this isn’t a typical day in my life… it’s more like an atypical Saturday. And what did i do? I spent an afternoon with a few of the ladies in my life. I had the daughter this weekend and we hung out with my mom, my baby sister and my niece. After going out for breakfast, we couldn’t figure out what to do but my mom suggested going to Trader’s Village.

It’s this place in the northwest part of Houston that takes up, I don’t know… maybe 200 acres including the parking lot. It’s like a super-humongo, ginormous garage sale. My mom considers herself the queen of garage sales and so…to her domain we went.

It’s actually a pretty cool place for people watching and you can find some pretty cool, weird, obscure stuff there… and CHEAP!

I wish I had thought to pull out my camera earlier than I did. Then I could have caught a pic of the vendor selling an assortment of hard to find tools that every guy must have. You know like that two foot long springy thing with the magnet on the end for retrieving bolts that fall in a tight spot in the engine. Not that I’ve ever done that 😀 I could have gotten a pic of a wagon wheel coffee table like the one in When Harry met Sally and a frame with cowhide wrapping around it. The odd thing is the cowhide still has the fur on it. Do cows have fur or is it hair?

There are all kinds of pets being sold Continue reading

laughter is good medicine


I really needed this.  It’s been a pretty crappy couple of weeks. Thought I’d share in case anyone else needs a laugh. I received this list in an email and couldn’t stop laughing like…  a smoke alarm that has the sound stuck at 3:24 in the morning. : )  ok, that was lame. Read below for some priceless metaphors and similes.

~~~

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like Continue reading

you can get a degree in anything!


who knew?

consultant, psychologist, social worker,

software professional, health care manager, teacher AND….

bounty-hunter.jpg

The Deist… one helluva model American


So I went out and did my civic duty. The folks at the county assessor’s office didn’t really appreciate me using my camera in the voting booth for some reason.

I think maybe they didn’t want me to get proof of what I think might be a premeditated bit of “hanging chad” syndrome.

Well, as you can see, we here in Texas will have none of that. All electronic baby. Just so long as the knuckleheads at the county take all the voting booths back.

One of the people I know there told me a story about Continue reading

Living a Christ-like life


My dad is currently single. My stepmom has been out of town since Valentine’s Day and gets back today. So for the past few days my dad has been gorging himself on Heath bite size candy bars, the golf channel, queso dip and Bush lite beer. This is rather detrimental to his health because of diabetes so the stepmom needs to get back quick.

So last night he tells me to go have dinner with him. “C’mon… I’m your dad. Go have some beers with me. Hey… it’s not every day I’m single and get to do this.”

Basically i get guilted into going. It’s like having a Jewish mom who sounds like a man with a Mexican accent talk you into doing something you know you should do but don’t really want to. Continue reading

More philosophy from my stoner neighbors


I love riding my bicycle… feels like flying sometimes. I’ve got a pretty cool bike, too. Carbon fiber forks, racing seat, decent Shimano derailers, etc. I also have the gear… you know stretchy pants with the puffy butt padding, cycling jerseys, low drag helmet, speedometer that also calculates calories burned and back in December, as a Christmas present to me… I bought cycling shoes, cleatsfor the shoes and pedals. I’ve never ridden with a clipless pedal system but I’ve heard they can increase your speed and efficiency on the bike.

Well we’ve had a pretty mild winter here in Texas but for a lack of time or not feeling up to it or just plain laziness, I just haven’t had the chance to ride and test ’em out. But this past weekend I was able to take advantage of some warm weather and knew I would be able to get at least an hour’s worth of good riding in. Continue reading

On kisses and spit


I’m in a silly mood today. Maybe it’s because The Amazon is still pursuing me and I’m feeling all giddy over that. It’s nice to be wanted.

So i went into the kitchen here in our offices to get coffee and took back a spoon I had planned to use earlier this morning but didn’t. (had an unused plastic one in a drawer I found). So i put the metal spoon back in the utensil drawer.

My co-worker Irma says, “ewww Huleeáhn, what arr jew dewink?!” (she has a very think Mexican accent)

“what?… it’s clean. I only licked it once.”

:mrgreen:

(I didn’t really lick it but it’s funny. like I said I’m in a silly mood.)

~~~

I have two sisters. The baby and another, a year and half older than her.
Sandra my younger sister when she was like six or seven began repeating something she learned in school or somewhere that a dog’s mouth is the cleanest of all animals.

(I don’t know if that’s true but she used to say it… a lot.)

So one day our dog came up to her when she was sitting on the floor and gave her a good sloppy one right across the lips and face. She jumped up and started screaming about how the dog just licked her in her mouth. My younger brother began taunting her saying very sarcastically, “but a dog’s mouth is the cleanest of all animals.”

Then my youngest brother without looking away from the tv, yells out to the fray, “i think she just finished licking her butt.”

It was only one little kiss on the face.

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TV watchin on a Saturday


Today was a pretty lazy morning. Slept in a little. Made breakfast and turned on the tube.

The History Channel was showing something about giant squids and for some reason I was sucked in. Not that it was just so interesting that I couldn’t peel myself away but it had the tempo of one of those reality shows where they convinced me that I just had to see if gynormo squids really exist.

So every seven and a half minutes or so, the suspense was broken up with commercials. And not just any commercials but info info info, mercials mercials mercials.

It was all i could do to keep myself from dialing the phone. As convinced as I was to see Continue reading

Jesus loves me this I know…


You don’t really see this much anymore… at least I don’t.

People placing with wreckless abandon, bumper stickers of places they’ve been, bands they’ve seen, funny sayings… so I thought I’d show what one young lady here in Houston, Texas has adorned her truck with.

I thought this would be a good one to start off with. Continue reading