Category Archives: humor

ill spent days


Like many of the approximately 100 million viewers of the super bowl last night, The Deistette and I had plans for the game.  We’re not real big sports people but we were really looking forward to a kid friendly, grown up party. I mean it’s the first time in the almost five years we’ve been married we actually had a super bowl party to attend… probably because we’re not big sports people. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went to a super bowl gathering though it’s been that long.  I think it was when da Bearsss had that horrific super bowl shuffle song and The Fridge helped them to a super bowl win.

So… yeah. It’s been a while.  We were both looking forward to it.  I mean, The Deistette even made a HUGE batch of really tasty buffalo chicken potstickers. All four of us got in on the assembly of putting dollups of meat into 100 wonton wrappers that were specifically for the party our friends had invited us to.

But as The Fates would have it, there was a different plan.

Sunday morning about 4:30am, Continue reading

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one little microcosm vs the zombie apocalypse


So today is my birthday. No, not my blog birthday but my birthday, birthday. You know, the anniversary of the day my gooey, sticky body fell outta my mom’s belly and it breathed in air for the first time.

Gah… that’s not a fun description of a baby being born. :mrgreen:

DPS_officeSo one of the things that comes along with a birthday is a LONNNNG wait at the Department of Public Safety (where we Texans go to renew our driver license) also known in some parts as the Dept of Motor Vehicles.

It’s a fascinating place really. I mean like my title reads, it really is a microcosm of the city. There was just about every walk of life in that small building… black, white, brown, yellow, fat, short, tall, beautiful, not-so beautiful, single, married. I mean you name the demographic and it was mostly likely represented by at least one person. Really!… I mean there was someone in a wheelchair and even someone who was blind.

O_o

I’m going to assume the blind person was there along for the ride and was not attempting to get a license.

And as my imagination will most often times do in a situation like this I began to wonder what would happen if some calamity broke out. I mean like really bad… you know like battle of Armageddon bad. Zombie Apocolypse bad. The Deistette says I have a problem. At least one morning out of the week she’ll say, “so did you dream about a dystopian, post-apocalyptic future where you were one of the last people on earth again.”

She knows me so well.

So back to the microcosm. If worldwide plague wiped us all out and we were a lone pocket of humanity that had been spared these would be the people with whom I would ride the storm out.

Would we make it? Who would emerge as a leader. Would we pair off and attempt to repopulate? Would I be able to fight them off when they tried to eat me after we ran out of food?

*Deist pauses for a bit*

Wow… I really need to get out more.

One dad’s examples for the definition of “shortage”


So yesterday my older stepson (he’s in third grade) asked me a question about his homework. He’d never seen a dictionary entry and was having trouble making sense of how to read it since he’s used to reading sentences. The word was ‘shortage’. I broke up the definition making sure he understood the words in the definition and filled in where the choppy method of definition might not make sense in his head.

I then began to give examples. “Let’s say we have a rat problem. We need 5 bags of poison to kill all the rats but we only have 2 bags. What does that mean?”

“we don’t have enough?”

“Right! We don’t have enough… and THAT is a shortage. Here’s another one. You boys are driving me crazy. I should have at least three beers in my belly so I don’t beat myself over the head with a hammer because you two are driving me so crazy. We have no beer in the fridge. There is a SHORTAGE! Do you get ‘shortage’ now?”

He blinked and went upstairs.

coincidentally after writing this post this morning, I had a friend send me a link to a series of images called “World’s Best Father” by Dave Engledow. I hope he doesn’t mind, but I thought this would make a great addition to my post. : )

you can find more images from Dave Engledow’s series “World’s Best Father” here.

coppin’ a feel in old age


A few days ago after my wife woke up I said to her, “i think my body produces some sort of viagra-like substance from about 5:30 to 6:30 in the morning. See?”

“Oh my God! Put that thing away. We have to get up.”

“But I am.” mrgreen

“Annnnd… get ready for work and put the boy on the bus.”

I chase my wife around the house quite often. Occasionally I catch her. So despite being in my mid-40s, I am so not in the target market for the commercials for cialis that state, “so you can be ready.” or something to that effect.

I suspect it will happen eventually. Who knows.

Sex aside… I hope that The Deistette and I are like these two folks here in 20 years. I cried with laughter at watching this vid but analyzing it and their behavior a little deeper than the surface shows a couple that is so comfortable with each other it incites hope for long-term marriage.

It does in me anyway… as well as hope for continued peeks at boobies.
Burp! excuse me.

just call me Rev.


So my dad, in his sarcastic way he says things, proclaims to a co-worker that I am a minister and that I had been asked by my brother to marry him and his fiance (now wife).

About 10 years ago I signed up online to become an ordained minister.  Crazy, huh. You know kinda like in that episode of Friends where Joey is going to officiate the wedding of Monica and Chandler because he was ordained online.

Anyway, so my co-worker Irma then says, “you’re a minister?
“yeah.”
“so what are the requirements.”
“Not much.  You just kinda sign up.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep. It’s kinda like becoming a journalist. Just grab a pen and a notebook and boom… you’re  a journalist.”
“So they don’t do like a background check?”
“Well, no.”
“Man, that’s scary.”
“Scary?”
“Well yeah, I mean… anyone could be a minister.  Anyone could just sign up like you know like a child molester or a rapist or you know someone… someone who isn’t right.”
“isn’t right.”
“yeah, you know like anyone who does bad things.”
“Hm. Yeah I guess so.  Kinda makes you wonder who ‘they’re” just letting go out be a minister.”

I’d hate to think that child molesters (several priests), guys who just aren’t right (David Koresh) and just anyone (Ted Haggard) could be a minister. That would be terrible.

thoughts on SB1070


Well I have managed to calm down a little from the passage of SB1070 in Arizona and a discussion with my brother in-law (my white brother in-law) who is married to my (Mexican) sister.  I also had some online sparring with a few others about the subject as well that got me a little pissed off.

In all cases, none of us are lawyers nor do we know immigration law.  But we were giving it our best shot.  I even thought I had things nailed down when I told my brother in-law the bill is violation of the Constitution.  I thought it especially ironic that I had to give my him a civics lesson and had to explain what the Fourth Amendment is, although he claims the oath he took to join the Navy to defend the Constitution is a big deal to him still.

Anyway… in discussing as many angles as we could think of, one thing was quite clear.

The discussion was an “us” and “them” mentality.  And the underlying basis (at least in my opinion) of what was coming out of the minds of those I was sparring with was “them” are different from “us” and because of that,  “us” doesn’t like “them”.

You know there are all kinds of posturing and defenses the pro SB1070 folks claim as to why they support Arizona’s decision.  Loss of jobs, drain on the economy, crime is higher, strain on school systems, etc.

The fact is, the cost of illegal immigration according to one study I found here says it’s a wash.  Another here says the costs are minimal.  Now, I’m not saying I am pro illegal aliens.  I’m just showing some sources that discount the claims of those who try to justify their racism with economics.

The really sad thing about the passage of SB 1070 though is the underbelly that has been made visible.  It is a sad testament of those in support of the bill.  The line that has been drawn in the sand and those who stand in support of the bill has shown how we as human beings have not evolved at all.  We have lost sight of whatever religion we follow and the teachings that have told us to care for our fellow man.  We are fearful of those different from us. We lack the capacity to empathize with others and cannot see the savagery we display when we devolve down to our reptilian brain.

THAT, my friends, is the truly ugly aspect of this bill.

~~~~~~~~~~

And now… a little comic relief to ease some of the tension.  This is a vid of couple of guys who hop the fence in Arizona.  At about 1:20 is where it gets kinda funny.  My Spanish isn’t very good but from what I can make out of this exchange between these two Mexican fellas goes something like this:

Guy 1 (with camera) “Hey so tell all of us your experience of being over on the other side.”

Guy 2: (the younger guy) oh it felt good. I was even able to speak English for a little bit. It even felt like the tone of my voice changed for a little while.

Ok… maybe it’s just funnier in Spanish.

Yay!… it’s Wednesday


This is a postscript to what I wrote in the post below.

unlearned behavior


I remember when Little Fawn (that’s my daughter’s nickname) was a baby she did something similar to what this kid does on this video. This one has been making the rounds on the internet so I’m sure by just seeing the pic you know it’s that little baby that starts dancing to Beyoncé’s video.

She’s not the only baby I’ve seen do this. I remember my ex-wife’s niece did this very same thing when she was just learning to stand. She crawled her way over to the coffee table and stood up to watch whatever music video was playing and began bouncing and moving her legs. I thought it was pretty amazing. I mean no one taught her this. No one showed her to move to music. She just did it.

I’m convinced that it’s something about being human. I think it’s part of what makes us human. When we hear music we move our body… even if it’s just a little tap of the toe, strumming our fingers or bobbing our head.

OR

what this guy and his buddy do at some poor girl’s quinceañera. Be advised do not have coffee or soda in your mouth when you click play. Your monitor will thank you later.

C’mon LB!!!… Feel the music honey! Dance!!
(my friend Lazy Buddhist claims she doesn’t like to dance but I know she’s tapping her toe a little as she watches this video)

Happy Diwali y’all


From Wikipedia:

Diwali or Dīpāvali (Sanskrit: a row of lamps[1]) is a significant festival in Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, and Jainism, and an official holiday in India.[2] Adherents of these religions celebrate Diwali as the Festival of Lights. They light diyas—cotton string wicks inserted in small clay pots filled with oil—to signify victory of good over the evil within an individual.

And now… a song celebrating Diwali.

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