Category Archives: humor

a birthday present for Little Fawn


I kinda glazed over the fact that Little Fawn had a birthday a couple of days ago. And it was a big one… at least in Mexican culture it’s a big one: 15.

My baby girl turned 15 on Tuesday. God, I can remember so vividly the day she was born. I’ll have to write about that one later. I had talked with a few friends and even my mom about throwing a big party for her… a quinceanera. But it just wasn’t in the cards.

It’s a pretty big deal when a Mexican girl turns 15. Not having really been raised as a Mexican I couldn’t tell you what that is but apparently it involves dressing the birthday girl in the gaudiest, trashiest dress one can find. Google quinceanera and you’ll see more examples.

Quinceanera Dresses Continue reading

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a little comic relief


Scene: At the office in the accounting clerk section. Four clerks tapping away crunching numbers

Jules steps in stage right: Hey who made the coffee this morning. It’s pretty good.

Lilly: Thanks, it was me.

Jules: Good coffee. Tastes just like I like my women… strong and bitter. [Julian begins laughing at his own joke]

Lilly: [gives a sarcastic sympathy laugh] ha ha… ha.

Jules: C’mon… these are jokes… you know jokes. For a Monday morning. A little relief from the day. Get it?… strong and bitter.

😐  [blink blink blink]

Priscilla: Do I need to call Emmie?

a morning vignette


Deistette: Ugh!… I’m running late! Where is that concealer I just bought yesterday. [Emilie whizzes past Jules in the living room. Rifles through a plastic bag and whizzes back to the restroom]

Deist: Concealer? How much is that gonna set us back! Why do you need concealer anyway. [jules sits on the stairs doing… nothing]

Deistette: So I can cover up these dark circles I have from being tired, overworked and running this household and so people don’t think you’re beating me!

Deist: [jules scrambles trying to think of what to say next]…. you’re so pretty!

Happy Monday y’all!

road trip!!!


A little more than three weeks ago The Deistette and I spent about 14 hours on the road together as we left Amarillo with all her stuff packed in a U-Haul and headed to Houston. (by the way, I found out she’s a Jew.  A Jewish Deistette… do they really make those?  Huh, who knew.)

Coincidentally it was the same weekend Hurricane Ike decided to come into town. I wanted to post this right after we got back but I’ve been kinda busy with work stuff and church stuff and trying to unscrew my house from what was latent storm damage. The appearance of mold has confirmed water got in somehow . Continue reading

wow… bumper stickers really do get noticed


I bought a Coexist bumper sticker from my UU church recently and slapped it on the ol’ vehicle to show my solidarity with like minded thinkers. It’s pretty cool because it’s magnetic and I don’t have to worry about sticky glue being stuck on my truck.
It looks like this. Continue reading

Philosophy from my stoner neighbors: giving compliments


So this past weekend I was digging in a flower bed, pulling up weeds and pulling up dead bushes that I’ve been meaning to replace for… i don’t know, about a year or two.  I’m not really the gardening type.

So I’m diggin and I’m diggin…

And i bend over as if trying to touch my toes to start pulling out the roots and weeds of some wandering jew that has infested this particular flower bed and will never, ever go away unless i put gasoline to the earth and catch it on fire.

Anyway, my stoner neighbor Adam is outside with his buddies drinkin beer and shootin the breeze and as usual they are waxing existential about politics, keepin’ the little guy down, stickin’ it to the man, conspiracy theories and who are the current hottest celebrity chicks they would do. They remind a little of The Lone Gunmen of X-Files fame.

So as I’m bent over this is what takes place: Continue reading

file this in the WTF file


so the kiddo and I are at church this weekend, right.

A bunch of the little ones are in the fellowship hall and chasing a few of the older ones.
I see one of the younger boys tickling Little Fawn and she runs up to me and says, “daddeeee… William is trying to tickle me.”

I giggle and laugh a little and say, “i don’t think he’s trying to tickle you, i think he’s trying to touch your boobs.”

She quickly admonishes me by saying, “Daddy! No he’s not… he’s only eight… a little boy.” then she adds, “Besides, even he was he wouldn’t know what to do with them.”

[Deist thinks to himself, “what the f*#@ just happened here]

reverting to childhood


I’ve been accused by more than a few people (blog peeps and local peeps alike) of being a 12 year old boy trapped inside a 40 year old body.

I’m sorry… I can’t help but laugh though when I play this game.  And I am NO gamer.  It’s just not my thing.  I have too much stuff to do over wasting time online playing games but THIS!…

I don’t even care if I die.  I just like pushing the up arrow to hear the sound. LOL!  Sorry… everyone’s got a little bit of 12 year old mentality inside though don’t ya think.

a day in the life of the UU Deist in Texas


ok, so this isn’t a typical day in my life… it’s more like an atypical Saturday. And what did i do? I spent an afternoon with a few of the ladies in my life. I had the daughter this weekend and we hung out with my mom, my baby sister and my niece. After going out for breakfast, we couldn’t figure out what to do but my mom suggested going to Trader’s Village.

It’s this place in the northwest part of Houston that takes up, I don’t know… maybe 200 acres including the parking lot. It’s like a super-humongo, ginormous garage sale. My mom considers herself the queen of garage sales and so…to her domain we went.

It’s actually a pretty cool place for people watching and you can find some pretty cool, weird, obscure stuff there… and CHEAP!

I wish I had thought to pull out my camera earlier than I did. Then I could have caught a pic of the vendor selling an assortment of hard to find tools that every guy must have. You know like that two foot long springy thing with the magnet on the end for retrieving bolts that fall in a tight spot in the engine. Not that I’ve ever done that 😀 I could have gotten a pic of a wagon wheel coffee table like the one in When Harry met Sally and a frame with cowhide wrapping around it. The odd thing is the cowhide still has the fur on it. Do cows have fur or is it hair?

There are all kinds of pets being sold Continue reading

the Pope’s U.S. visit


Well, I’m sure you know by now Pope Benedict XVI is coming over to pay the U.S. a visit.

You know what?….. I didn’t realize he’s been the head honcho, el jeffe, big kahuna, the-buck-stops-here of the Catholic Church for three years now. Time flies when you’re havin fun right.

Well, he isn’t coming to Texas this year. Kinda feel a little snubbed. You know like when your favorite band goes out on tour and they hit a couple of other cities in your state but decide not to swing by your city. Sucks!

I mean c’mon! We have this big new cathedral and everything that cost about a buhzillion dollars to build… well, co cathedral to be more accurate. I heard the reason they call it a co cathedral but I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway… you’d think he’d want to come take a peek at it. Make sure the hand soap dispensers are working properly in the bathrooms. You know, give it a little test drive. (hee hee hee… holy shit! get it. Pope. bathroom. handsoap. hee hee hee)

Well, so the Pope isn’t coming and we’re missing out here in Texas.

I’m sure the Dalai Lama will swing back by. He came through last year about this time. Maybe he’ll hit the links, too. We’ve got a ton of golf courses in this area. Heck, I’d caddy for him if I could get this deal for sure.