Category Archives: life

Battle scars


I’m not sure if something is going around or if everyone in my office has a case of the Friday flu but two of my co-workers are out and two others came in late claiming a child was sick. If we had a couple dozen employees it might go unnoticed but when there are only seven of us… well, it raises an eyebrow.

Something is definitely going around though as The Boy woke us up at 3:30 Thursday morning after having barfed his guts up. All morning and into the afternoon he slept in between having it shoot out of both ends of him. I know… probably too much info.

He seemed to get better then he’d barf up again, his fever would raise a half degree or so then he’d sleep. A couple of hours later he would drink just a little then the same series of events would happen.

Finally about 8:00pm or so we decided to take him to the hospital. We worried of appendicitis because his low-grade fever wasn’t really coming down. Well the doc said it was probably viral since he’d had four other kids come in with the same stuff. Something’s probably going around.

He poked around on his belly and didn’t feel like it was appendicitis. So he prescribed fluids.

The Boy immediately started crying because he knew what that meant.

A pokey.

The Deistette had been telling him all day Continue reading

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till living doesn’t feel like giving up


About twice a month, sometimes three or four times a month I have to travel to different municipal or state agencies to file things for clients of my company. And now and again I’ll go see a few of clients during the month.

As a result I see quite a bit of the city as I drive around. Probably not nearly as much as some outside sales people but more than your average guy stuck in an office.

So last week I was on my way back from the State Comptroller’s Office and I saw a guy on a corner holding a sign. There are so many people doing this. Unbelievable how many. And it’s sad that in our country people have had to resort to this to stay alive.

But for some I wonder if it really is their last option. I mean there’s a a young guy (mid to late 20’s) near my office who claims on his sign to be a Marine Corps veteran. I don’t know, maybe he is. There is a couple that looks to be in their mid-50’s who wheel their down syndrome daughter out to the side of the road with them asking for money. There is one woman I remember seeing who put on such a display of despair as motorists drove by I felt embarrassed for her because it seemed so fake.

Maybe I’m just too jaded or I don’t know… wary. But these three examples of people begging for subsistence seems like an act. And so last week, when I saw yet another guy, holding a sign, I didn’t think much of it but the light turned red and I had a chance to…

well to pay a little more attention.

I don’t know. Something about his posture. Something about him just made me think twice give in. So I rolled down my window and gave him a few dollars. When he came up to me I said, “hang in there brother. Hang in there.” He said, “I’m trying. I’m giving it all to God. God bless you young man. Thank you so much.”

In our exchange he seemed ashamed and I couldn’t tell if it was sweat or tears that lined his cheeks but I was moved.

I don’t know what his story is. I don’t know if he really is out of work, is mentally disturbed, a scam artist, an artist artist, or Jesus come down to judge us but this song by a local singer/songwrier was playing on my CD player as I sat at the red light and it made the whole scene… the whole interaction so much more real.  And I felt sorry for him. And I prayed a little prayer for him. And I had tears in my eyes, perhaps not only for him but myself as well.  I am thankful for grace of God, my good fortune and own determination that I am not in his place.

Music by Sara Van Buskirk
Find more of Sara’s music here

a vivid memory made


I have three friends from church who play in a band with me. The whole thing is kinda surreal. I mean we started out thinking we’d just play a little music, if we got good enough maybe… MAYBE play for a church service now and again.

Three years later we’ve put out a CD, got it placed on iTunes!… gigged around a little and made some people happy with our music. And yes… now and again we play for our church during a Sunday service.

It’s pretty amazing when I think about that and all we’ve done with this band of ours.

Well, a couple of weeks ago we had gig… another outside gig.  Seems like the only place we play is outside.  It was a benefit for three girls whose families needed financial help after their daughters got into an ATV accident.  It was the furthest we’d ever traveled to play a show.  About 50 miles away from our homes.

Little Fawn (my 16 year old daughter for any new readers) came along with us just to kinda be there, plus I handed her my camera so she could get some pics of us.

There was a lot going on. It was held at a restaurant that sits right against the banks of a lake.  There were hot girls in bikinis and fellas with ripped abs coming in off the lake.  There was a silent auction going on inside as well as a garage sale happening in the parking lot.  A fishing tournament had started earlier in the morning and people were tracking that.

Anyway, I say all this to let you know we weren’t the only thing being given any attention.  So as we were playing we could tell there were only a handfull of people really listening to us so we thought we’d drag out a song that is kind of a favorite of ours although most certainly unknown to anyone outside a UU church.

And so here’s the memory, that I pray lasts me till my dying day.

The song we decided to pull out is a popular UU hymn that uses words by the Sufi mystic, Rumi.

We play it as a round and as we got into the singing part… particularly MY singing part, Little Fawn was singing along to herself.  I could see her, as she peered into the camera’s monitor to see the most recent  picture she had taken, singing along.  She was busy… somewhat distracted as she pressed the buttons, moved back and forth through the pics… deleting one, saving another… and singing… with her daddy.

She knows all the words. She knows the melody.  And it means more than I can describe that she likes it enough that she couldn’t “keep from singing”. (part of the title of another popular UU hymn)

I am forever grateful for that moment when I looked up at just the right time to see my baby girl singing this song with me in a place where it probably never has been heard or ever will be heard, again.

wherein the Deist and Deistette praise God OR….


W E ‘ R E   F A R M E R S !!

So during the four weeks when I was doing the demolition and reconstruction of our kitchen (see post below) I decided since I was in a building kind of mood I would construct a little raised garden bed.  “Little” is the key word here.  It’s only two and a half feet by five and a half feet.

It’s really cool though.  I can hardly believe it. (click the thumbnails to see bigger pics)

Emmie and I have talked about doing one since… well since before we even met.  For a little more than a decade I’ve had the notion of living off the land, raising a few chickens and goats and having a garden that could sustain my family.  Keep in mind I know nothing about country living or farming and ranching but like I said for years I’ve had the desire to do this. I even bought my own little piece of Texas about nine years ago with the hopes of doing it some day.

Emmie told me when we first met online that she has had the dream of being able to have her own vegetable garden for years as well.

Well, she ain’t much but here it is.

Our little plot of earth that will soon release her bounty.  🙂  And with God’s good grace and laws of physics He has set in place (and hopefully despite my complete lack of knowledge) we will have at least some fresh veggies from our own garden.

We started by planting seeds back in February.  That may have been a bit early but like I said we don’t really know what we’re doing.  Continue reading

You can’t save ’em all…


I’m going to brag on The Deistette a little.  It is no exaggeration to say that she is a hero, a lifesaver.  A God-send… at least to a few.

Since she moved here in September of ’08, I have seen more strays and castaways step through the door of this house than in the 12 years I’ve lived here.

But for some reason… they find her.  Dogs and cats that turn up lost or thrown out although once, there was a threesome of baby possums that we found in our garage.  How they got there I still don’t know.

There have always been stray cats in the neighborhood.  Hell, we’ve got about eight or ten stray cats on our street alone.  So to have a kitten show up now and again is not surprising.  But it’s the dogs she always manages to stumble over that amaze me.  For those of you who have been following me since she and I met, Continue reading

One shot… one kill


It’s a saying we used to have in the Marine Corps that was first learned when we were being taught marksmanship skills.  The drill instructors used it to instill the idea that every round sent down range HAD to count or you could be a dead Marine.

Later in a young Marine’s career it could be applied to a metaphorical “do or die” situation where a Marine made one attempt at something and was successful in his endeavor.  For example, Marine is playing basketball and it’s the end of the game. His team is down by two points.  Marine buries a long three point shot. Game won!  Boom! One shot… one kill!

So you get the idea.

Well, I just heard of someone who did that recently in their own do or die situation that so many people in this country have not been able to do.  It’s almost miraculous.  It seems so beyond the realm of reason that it if I weren’t a deist I might say IS miraculous.

This person is a friend of my dad’s from church and has been caring for my step-mom during the day while he is at work.  My step-mom has been a quadraplegic for a little more than a year and needs someone with her all the time now.

Anyway… Angela, her caretaker, told my dad she needed to find another job because her husband’s company said everyone would be receiving a 5% cut in pay to keep the company afloat after having taken a 20% cut three months earlier.

Shortly after (like days) Angela got a tip/recommendation from a friend, went on the interview and got the job!

If I had been in Vegas I would have put every penny I had on her NOT getting the job.  My wife told me of someone she read about who had sent her resume to 700+ job openings in about a year, got about 50 interviews and STILL had nothing.  College educated person with a master’s degree!

My wife actually found herself in a room last year at an interview where the person hiring said they had received about 700 or so resumes in just one day.  Thirty people were interviewed.  One got the job.  It wasn’t Emmie.

A few weeks later and I’m still in shock that Angela got the job.  Well, she is  a church-going girl… maybe God really does give people a hand now and again.

😐     blink, blink, blink.

whoah!… sorry about that.  I had a momentary lapse of reason.  Almost slipped off the ol’ deist bandwagon. : )

Congrats Angela.  I know your family really needed it.

this quote reminds me of The Deistette


I stumbled over this quote by Kahlil Gibran from his book, The Prophet.  I love that book and haven’t thought of this quote in some time.

love it…

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Emmie and I have been married a year today.  It’s been hard. But we’re still chugging away.  I find our best times, our funnest times are when we are by ourselves… no kids, no chores, no obligations… just us being friends.

Those times are very few and very far between.  But even during the mundane, the every day, with the burdens, the stress and tension of life… tension of each other…  we manage to brush off that stuff (might take a week or so but it gets brushed off) and laugh with each other and share pleasure.

[sigh]

We went on a date in early October of ’09.  That was five months ago.  I think the last date we had before that was in June of that year… maybe… I think.

I don’t know.

I love being married to her.  She is an amazing, beautiful, kind woman and wife.

I wish we had dated more though.

Love you Emmie.  Happy Anniversary.
The Deist and Deistette on a date Oct 2009

A life changed in 30 days


I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile but kept feeling like I needed more time to grasp any meaning or to analyze what happened but I don’t know if there really is enough time to comprehend entirely the how and the why.  So a little more than a year later here’s my take on what happened to my dad and his wife and how their lives were upended.

You know… it can happen so quickly.   Your life as you know it completely changed; unmistakenly different from it was just the day before.  In the case of my dad and stepmother… 30 days.  It took  exactly 30 days for the transformation of their lives to be different to a point that it will never be what it was before.

In December of 2008, my dad’s wife of 30 years went to visit her brother near Dallas.  An important fact I should note is she has a disease that suppresses her immune system.  As a result she needs to be as careful she can about getting near any one who is sick or should cut herself.

Well she wasn’t as careful as she usually is and something got hold of her in December of ’08 that made her very sick.   The bacteria that attacked her body was strong and Continue reading

another blog friend goes away


I’ve had a few blog friends just up and pull their blog down with no notice in the two and half years that I’ve had mine up.  It’s confusing and the event kinda lends itself to a feeling of loss or abandonment.  I don’t know…. maybe it’s silly to say that but…  Well, I don’t know.

I mean I haven’t met but only one of my blog friends (Kinsi we still need to get that beer next time your in town) in person but in time…

there can be a deep connection established.

I first got introduced to Colbie Caillat through my blog friend Bibliomom when Colbie’s song “Bubbly” was wildly popular and first getting airplay.  Everytime I  hear that song I immediately think of Bibliomom.

B-mom recently took down her blog although I don’t know why.  I’m gonna miss her here in the WordPress world.

This song reminds me of her, too.  I guess because Colbie is singing a little in the video… maybe because of some of the lyrics… maybe because it’s a sad song and I just feel like being sad right now.

Loved reading you and getting to know you, Wendy.

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Ben Franklin was right… mmmm beer


So today is my birthday.  Yep, I’m full stride into middle age and I am feeling every bit of it.  I don’t think someone who is 43 should have their joints, back and well, everything ache so much but I do.

Recently The Deistette went on a gluten free diet and she claims that just after three days of being hardcore gluten free she is already feeling a difference.  She had quite a few aches and pains not to mention an upset tummy just about every other day.  And she says being on the diet shouldn’t have an affect this quickly but already she feels tons better.  I’m attempting it myself but I’m having a harder time resisting stuff that has gluten or wheat of some kind in it.

Like later on tonight I’m gonna have one of these which is pretty far off the meter of being gluten free but I love beer, I believe that Ben Franklin was right in saying, “Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy” and i’m gonna have one. 

Ombud!… to the fridge! 

I trust you will hoist a glass of your favorite homemade brew in my honor.  Cheers.

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