Category Archives: married

the power of prayer and my magic ring


The past few weekends The Deistette and I have been working for my sister in-law at a wedding facility she manages.  She was short handed at the last minute one weekend so we agreed to help her out. Well, that one weekend has turned into four. I shouldn’t complain. I mean the extra money has been nice but because it’s about an hour away from us so it makes for a pretty long day.

It’s a neat venue for having a wedding.  They do the ceremony in a small garden-like area that can accommodate about 150 people. The couple does their thing in a gazebo to exchange vows and afterward everyone heads into the reception hall about 30 feet away.

A couple of hours into the reception, someone will start putting away the chairs and decorations from the ceremony. Last weekend that someone was me. Ugh. There I stood looking at a hundred wooden folding chairs thinking, “holy crap it’s humid out here.”  It took me about 40 minutes and two trips to load them onto a flatbed cart, wheel them to the storage area and unload them. Afterward I went back into the reception hall and started picking up plates, restocking items in the kitchen, breaking down the bar, then other clean up. It was pretty much non-stop until we left.

Ugh… when we left.  That’s when I realized that I’d lost my ring… my wedding ring. God I was sick. I took it off when I started putting away the chairs because I didn’t want it to get smashed or cut into my fingers ’cause I was sure my hands would start swelling as I was putting them away.

After telling The Deistette about my lost ring, I called my sister in-law while we drove home. My sister in-law had already left the venue but said she would take a look the next day.

Well, she didn’t go in like she thought she would on Sunday and wouldn’t be there until Monday afternoon. I was sure I had put it in the pocket of the vest I was wearing so it would have to be in the washing machine — unless it fell out while I had been putting the chairs away.  Holy crap. 😦

She didn’t call until about 5:00 Monday evening.  She said she was sorry but she couldn’t find it and she had looked everywhere she thought it might be.

The next day I checked my pants again and again. I checked the floorboard of the car, under the mats, under the seats. I checked around the driveway where we park. Nothing, nothing, nothing and nothing.

I don’t think I’ve ever really delved into the details of my spiritual beliefs other than what I have in the title of this blog and the two tabs about the beliefs of a deist and UU. Not to get into a long treatise about it but I will say part of my spiritual practice includes prayer  — and not like praying to win the lottery or praying for the healing of a loved one. Just prayers of thanks is mostly what I have in my bag of prayers.

But that night, as Emmie fell asleep and I lay there in the dark…    against everything I believe about prayer, I prayed my ass off  that my ring would somehow make its way back to me. I prayed that I would relive in my dreams the events of when I put it away.  I begged my memory not to fail me any longer and give me even the slightest hint where it might be. I rolled over and touched Emmie’s hand where she wears her ring and fell asleep.

The next day when I got back home from work, Emmie told me she found my guitar capo. It had been banging around in the dryer while she was doing our laundry. The night before I had been looking all over for it before heading off to band rehearsal but couldn’t find it. Then she said, “look what else I found.” And put my wedding ring in my hand.

I was stunned. All I could do was hug her. And believe it or not, I cried. I was so happy to have it again. And in a really sweet, whispering, sort of lilting way she said, “you have your magic ring back.”

She said it must have been in my shirt. I don’t know. I swear I checked every pocket I had twice. Who knows, maybe it was in my shirt pocket or maybe it fell into the cuff of my pants leg.

my magic ring

The Deist's wedding ring with inscription that reads "my friend who is next to me"

I’ve called it my magic ring for a while saying it keeps me and The Deistette connected. I usually say it within ear shot of my stepson but being 7 years old he’s getting to an age where he doesn’t really believe in magic anymore.  The tooth fairy, Easter bunny and Santa Claus have kinda had their day for him.

I don’t know.

What I do know is one day I didn’t have my magic ring and now I do. Maybe there is something to that prayer thing after all — or maybe my ring is magic and keeps me and my wife connected after all.

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Becoming married vs. getting married


It’s the first day of Spring today and coincidentally and somewhat through design, it is also my wedding anniversary. The Deistette and I got married two years ago today.

Hardly a milestone. I mean real milestones are a 20th, 25th or 50th anniversary right?

At two years a couple is still trying to find their groove… still trying to figure out who the hell this person is sleeping next to me. At two years, we’re still working on not letting our tell-tale feelings show in a facial expression after a certain meal presented to us.

“Mmmmm… this looks [lifting a portion of dinner up with the fork for moment] um, great, hon.”

We’re still trying to figure out the dance steps necessary not to bump into each other as we get ready in the morning. We are still dealing with our personality quirks and eccentricities, dealing with having let go of a little of our former lives after we said our “I do’s” yet at the same time, we’re still new enough to our marriage to revel in dreams of what life holds in store for us as we continue our walk towards the setting sun.

Yeah, that sounds awesome doesn’t it. Like we really have our shit together and are in a great healthy marriage and are in it for the long haul.

Healthy? Maybe. I guess.
We’re not on the verge of killing each other so I guess that’s a plus.

Those engaged and newlyed this goes out to you!
This is HARD friggin’ work. Although we have a lot in common, The Deistette and I have enough differences that we make the Rebels and the Yanks look like childhood playmates. But we push through. We made a promise to each other and we ARE in for the long haul.

We’ve had some tense and some difficult moments in the short time since we got married. I mean big ones. And without getting into the details of some of what has happened along the way, just know those events have placed an extreme amount of stress on us. So much stress that there have been moments where we have said out loud, “maybe we should go our separate ways.”
[sigh]

It’s been hard. This has been really hard. But you know what…
It’s through weathering the storms, minor and major that we have become married. And the aftermath of weathering those storms creates pillars that give substance and balance and a sturdy foundation to rest our marriage on.

I ran across an article last year by Elizabeth Weil, who is a contributing writer to the New York Times Magazine. She wrote a piece about her marriage. In her second paragraph was something that has stuck with me since and helps me to try and work harder at this marriage than the other two I was in that didn’t work out.
Weil writes:

I believe that you become married — truly married — slowly, over time, through all the road-rage incidents and precolonoscopy enemas, all the small and large moments that you never expected to happen and certainly didn’t plan to endure. But then you do: you endure.

Yes… we endure. And together walk towards the setting sun.
Happy Anniversary, Emmie.
We are becoming married.

she carried tulipsEmmie carried tulips on our wedding day.

first day of spring


milestone to announce.

The Deistette and I got hitched!  Yep, we did it!… on the first day of spring. We opted for the let’s elope, just-us-and-the-kids, no-frills, a-ring-a-dress-and-a-bouquet, at-the-judges’-office, flip-flops-for-comfort, ceremony.

We’re still hoping we can have a church/spiritual ceremony next year so if any of you think you can be in the Houston area on March 20th we’d love for you to be there for the party.  I’ll keep you updated on if it really happens or if we decide to blow all the money on a trip to Vegas and putting it on black.  But for now… we went the civil ceremony route and are officially wedded. Short, sweet and to the point.

Little Fawn was the official photographer.  Here’s one of her shots.  I think we need to work on her eye a little.  In her defense I did ask her to get as much of the arch in the shot that she could.

Happy Spring y’all!

[The Deist and Deistette yell from way far away by the arch, “hellooooooo!  we’re married!!!!  Can you see ussss!  Over here!!!  We just got married!!!  (do you think they can hear us?  let’s try again.) “helloooooo! yeah over here!  Married!  Us!]

1-emmie-and-jules