Category Archives: mate for life

coppin’ a feel in old age


A few days ago after my wife woke up I said to her, “i think my body produces some sort of viagra-like substance from about 5:30 to 6:30 in the morning. See?”

“Oh my God! Put that thing away. We have to get up.”

“But I am.” mrgreen

“Annnnd… get ready for work and put the boy on the bus.”

I chase my wife around the house quite often. Occasionally I catch her. So despite being in my mid-40s, I am so not in the target market for the commercials for cialis that state, “so you can be ready.” or something to that effect.

I suspect it will happen eventually. Who knows.

Sex aside… I hope that The Deistette and I are like these two folks here in 20 years. I cried with laughter at watching this vid but analyzing it and their behavior a little deeper than the surface shows a couple that is so comfortable with each other it incites hope for long-term marriage.

It does in me anyway… as well as hope for continued peeks at boobies.
Burp! excuse me.

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Becoming married vs. getting married


It’s the first day of Spring today and coincidentally and somewhat through design, it is also my wedding anniversary. The Deistette and I got married two years ago today.

Hardly a milestone. I mean real milestones are a 20th, 25th or 50th anniversary right?

At two years a couple is still trying to find their groove… still trying to figure out who the hell this person is sleeping next to me. At two years, we’re still working on not letting our tell-tale feelings show in a facial expression after a certain meal presented to us.

“Mmmmm… this looks [lifting a portion of dinner up with the fork for moment] um, great, hon.”

We’re still trying to figure out the dance steps necessary not to bump into each other as we get ready in the morning. We are still dealing with our personality quirks and eccentricities, dealing with having let go of a little of our former lives after we said our “I do’s” yet at the same time, we’re still new enough to our marriage to revel in dreams of what life holds in store for us as we continue our walk towards the setting sun.

Yeah, that sounds awesome doesn’t it. Like we really have our shit together and are in a great healthy marriage and are in it for the long haul.

Healthy? Maybe. I guess.
We’re not on the verge of killing each other so I guess that’s a plus.

Those engaged and newlyed this goes out to you!
This is HARD friggin’ work. Although we have a lot in common, The Deistette and I have enough differences that we make the Rebels and the Yanks look like childhood playmates. But we push through. We made a promise to each other and we ARE in for the long haul.

We’ve had some tense and some difficult moments in the short time since we got married. I mean big ones. And without getting into the details of some of what has happened along the way, just know those events have placed an extreme amount of stress on us. So much stress that there have been moments where we have said out loud, “maybe we should go our separate ways.”
[sigh]

It’s been hard. This has been really hard. But you know what…
It’s through weathering the storms, minor and major that we have become married. And the aftermath of weathering those storms creates pillars that give substance and balance and a sturdy foundation to rest our marriage on.

I ran across an article last year by Elizabeth Weil, who is a contributing writer to the New York Times Magazine. She wrote a piece about her marriage. In her second paragraph was something that has stuck with me since and helps me to try and work harder at this marriage than the other two I was in that didn’t work out.
Weil writes:

I believe that you become married — truly married — slowly, over time, through all the road-rage incidents and precolonoscopy enemas, all the small and large moments that you never expected to happen and certainly didn’t plan to endure. But then you do: you endure.

Yes… we endure. And together walk towards the setting sun.
Happy Anniversary, Emmie.
We are becoming married.

she carried tulipsEmmie carried tulips on our wedding day.

it wasn’t her time


The Deistette gave me a pretty bad scare about a week ago… a really big scare.

She almost died.

She has high blood pressure and on occasion her heart gets extremely elevated. She has meds for both but doesn’t take them on a regular basis for one, because she doesn’t have health insurance anymore and to get refills would cost money we don’t have.  And two… her blood pressure stays relatively ok half the time. So she takes them when she thinks she really needs them to bring either her BP or heart rate down should it get pretty high that day because she monitors her blood pressure and heart rate at least twice, if not three times a day.

Well, we were in a rush, we were hungry and trying to remember stuff to bring with us for errands to run later.  So she forgot about having taken her blood pressure medicine three hours earlier and after checking her heart rate, took the heart med that lowers it.  Not a good thing to do.

About an hour later Continue reading

to have and to hold from this day forward…


I heard something interesting on the radio today. Yesterday apparently is the day when more people find out about a coming divorce than any other day of the year.

The radio station had listeners call in and confirm what they thought… which was that couples wait to get through the holidays (for whatever that reason may be) and then lower the boom right as the new year begins.

One woman who called is a legal secretary at a one-attorney firm Continue reading

only one marriage license


I ran across another blogger’s page about two weeks ago where he mentioned this concept (in a comment/reply to another) and I can’t remember who it was or what topic it was about or where i saw it but the idea has been stuck in my head.

I thought it was odd the way he kinda glazed over his statement that our nation should only allow people to receive one marriage license.

Being one who has gone through two marriage licenses already and still carries hope that I will need another one someday (third time’s a charm, right?), the idea has made me think, “what if I had only been allowed one marriage license?” Would my choices have been different? Would I have been more deliberate?… more intentional?… more serious. Would I have written off the idea of marriage and had two long term, live-in relationships. Would others do the same? Would I have the beautiful little soul who is my daughter in my life?

What if the government forced people to get married if they got pregnant? I mean they keep people from getting married (same sex marriages being denied) so why not force them also?

Seems like I’ve heard there are only a handful of species that mate for life and humans ain’t one of ’em. Are we trying to force a square peg in a round hole with this whole one mate for life idea?  Are we tryin to make a kiwi fly when we know it can’t.

I don’t know… I like to think it’s a round peg and round hole. And like that little kiwi, it takes a lot of hard work and effort to fly but it can be done.

Happy Friday y’all.

Jules.