Category Archives: twin flame

the power of prayer and my magic ring


The past few weekends The Deistette and I have been working for my sister in-law at a wedding facility she manages.  She was short handed at the last minute one weekend so we agreed to help her out. Well, that one weekend has turned into four. I shouldn’t complain. I mean the extra money has been nice but because it’s about an hour away from us so it makes for a pretty long day.

It’s a neat venue for having a wedding.  They do the ceremony in a small garden-like area that can accommodate about 150 people. The couple does their thing in a gazebo to exchange vows and afterward everyone heads into the reception hall about 30 feet away.

A couple of hours into the reception, someone will start putting away the chairs and decorations from the ceremony. Last weekend that someone was me. Ugh. There I stood looking at a hundred wooden folding chairs thinking, “holy crap it’s humid out here.”  It took me about 40 minutes and two trips to load them onto a flatbed cart, wheel them to the storage area and unload them. Afterward I went back into the reception hall and started picking up plates, restocking items in the kitchen, breaking down the bar, then other clean up. It was pretty much non-stop until we left.

Ugh… when we left.  That’s when I realized that I’d lost my ring… my wedding ring. God I was sick. I took it off when I started putting away the chairs because I didn’t want it to get smashed or cut into my fingers ’cause I was sure my hands would start swelling as I was putting them away.

After telling The Deistette about my lost ring, I called my sister in-law while we drove home. My sister in-law had already left the venue but said she would take a look the next day.

Well, she didn’t go in like she thought she would on Sunday and wouldn’t be there until Monday afternoon. I was sure I had put it in the pocket of the vest I was wearing so it would have to be in the washing machine — unless it fell out while I had been putting the chairs away.  Holy crap. 😦

She didn’t call until about 5:00 Monday evening.  She said she was sorry but she couldn’t find it and she had looked everywhere she thought it might be.

The next day I checked my pants again and again. I checked the floorboard of the car, under the mats, under the seats. I checked around the driveway where we park. Nothing, nothing, nothing and nothing.

I don’t think I’ve ever really delved into the details of my spiritual beliefs other than what I have in the title of this blog and the two tabs about the beliefs of a deist and UU. Not to get into a long treatise about it but I will say part of my spiritual practice includes prayer  — and not like praying to win the lottery or praying for the healing of a loved one. Just prayers of thanks is mostly what I have in my bag of prayers.

But that night, as Emmie fell asleep and I lay there in the dark…    against everything I believe about prayer, I prayed my ass off  that my ring would somehow make its way back to me. I prayed that I would relive in my dreams the events of when I put it away.  I begged my memory not to fail me any longer and give me even the slightest hint where it might be. I rolled over and touched Emmie’s hand where she wears her ring and fell asleep.

The next day when I got back home from work, Emmie told me she found my guitar capo. It had been banging around in the dryer while she was doing our laundry. The night before I had been looking all over for it before heading off to band rehearsal but couldn’t find it. Then she said, “look what else I found.” And put my wedding ring in my hand.

I was stunned. All I could do was hug her. And believe it or not, I cried. I was so happy to have it again. And in a really sweet, whispering, sort of lilting way she said, “you have your magic ring back.”

She said it must have been in my shirt. I don’t know. I swear I checked every pocket I had twice. Who knows, maybe it was in my shirt pocket or maybe it fell into the cuff of my pants leg.

my magic ring

The Deist's wedding ring with inscription that reads "my friend who is next to me"

I’ve called it my magic ring for a while saying it keeps me and The Deistette connected. I usually say it within ear shot of my stepson but being 7 years old he’s getting to an age where he doesn’t really believe in magic anymore.  The tooth fairy, Easter bunny and Santa Claus have kinda had their day for him.

I don’t know.

What I do know is one day I didn’t have my magic ring and now I do. Maybe there is something to that prayer thing after all — or maybe my ring is magic and keeps me and my wife connected after all.

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Photos – sunflowers


I’ve been meaning to keep posting these but as I looked at all the negs I found I kept thinking,

“meh, this one sucks”

“oh yeah, i remember taking these. yep, they suck, too.”

“Oooh… and this set of pics. hello… suuuuhhhh-ck.”

I heard or read someone say recently, “perfection is death. Perfection is death to art.”

So here are a couple that i never printed but always liked. Didn’t print ’em because they were so flat. Very weak to no contrast. Probably something in the development and not the exposure I’m thinking. I had to really tweak the heck out of ’em in photoshop to get them to turn out at all.

i remember taking pics of my ex-wife in this field. Not my daughter’s mommy but my second wife. She had on a sunflower dress and it was blowing with the wind just like the sunflowers in the field. Her hair was long and blonde and blew in her face. I hadn’t thought of that in some time.

For some reason I can’t find that roll of negs. Wish I could. Glad I found these though.

sunflower images ©2000 rjz

on dreams and lost love


Today, I woke up much earlier than I normally do. In fact, this is the fourth morning in a row this has happened. The fourth time my dream has been invaded by the same person. The fourth night that I have seen, one who I believe is one of my soulmates.

I don’t know why this is happening. I don’t know why five years after she left I still ache to see her and feel her touch. I miss her.

I don’t remember the dreams. I only remember her being in them. In them I feel as though I’m mute and can’t speak out to her. It feels as though I’m so close to reaching her but can’t.

Five years ago, as we were in the throws of our dying marriage and its last breaths being taken, I remember at the very end thinking I had exhausted every effort possible to convince her not to leave… even giving up my dignity, getting on my knees begging her not to leave… begging her. There was no convincing her to stay. She was resolute. I said everything I could except goodbye.

I never said goodbye.

[Deist gets out of bed and gets in the shower]

soulmates…


I’ve always liked the idea of soulmates. I’ll admit it… i’ve bought into the idea. I like to believe there is someone out there who is absolutely perfect for me. I want to believe. I almost need to believe.Unfortunately there is nothing to base it on except my gut instinct… faith I guess you could call it and a myth invented by Plato… or at least attributed to him. I guess that’s not a bad thing considering the writer. I mean my man Plato was a pretty smart guy. But I was kinda hopin’ to find something to base this on in words that are considered by most a little more scriptural or canonical though (i.e. Quaran, The Bible, Torah, Vedic Scripture, etc).

But despite my half ass efforts towards a little internet research, I could find nothing that indicated that any of the Abrahamic religions speak to this nor do any of the eastern philosphies or the earth centered traditions.

New-ager types, neuvo-reincarnato/recycled souls apologetics and the like embrace the idea (groups whose ideas I tend to align myself with) but I haven’t been able to find any attribution to any of the older sacred texts that mention the concept of a twin flame or soul mate.

So why not just go with my gut. It keeps me alive. It tells me when I’m hungry. Gives me a flight or fight feeling. My gut’s given me the right intuition so far and kept me alive. And the idea of my twin flame being out there somewhere helps me to keep on, keepin on.

Alright, there we go. Soulmates… [check in the box under the yes column]

Peace y’all.

[Deist looks over his shoulder… thinks to himself “nope… haven’t found her yet. But she’s got to be around here somewhere.“]