2011 milestones at Casa Deist

So yesterday was my birthday. (Jan 23 for overseas friends who are already on the 25th) My lovely wife, The Deistette baked a pretty tasty (although not professionally decorated if you ask me) cake. My mother in-law gave me a five dollar gift certificate to a wonderful frozen yogurt place. I got a long hug from the Little Man in the morning when he woke up. All were simple and genuine. My birthday was perfect.

It’s sort of a milestone I guess… 45.

You ever been on a running trail where little mile markers have been placed along the route. There are of course the 1, 2 and 3 mile markers but usually there are 1/2 mile markers.

That’s what 45 is. So there’s that.

Other milestones:
I meant to post this a while back but another milestone achieved was our Little Man (for new readers that’s my stepson) was able to conquer his fear of the water as well as figure out how to propel himself in the water during the summer of 2011. So that was pretty cool. In my book, that’s a pretty big milestone. What was even more cool is I was able to grab a short clip of him doing it for the first time — this of course was done without realizing you’re not supposed to take pictures or video in the pool at the local YMCA.

Another big milestone was Little Fawn (my 17 yr old daughter’s nickname) got her driver’s license in October of 2011. Pretty big deal. Huge. It represents freedom, responsibility, mobility and a new stage in her life. She turns 18 in May, graduates in June and most likely will be going away to college about two hours away. My every other weekend and every Wednesday visits will cease and I am quite sad about that.

Although, not really a milestone as much as a HUGE change in dynamic at Casa Deist is that my other stepson (i refer to him on here as Tank) has come to live with us. It was a weird custody arrangement i thought, but the reasons The Deistette and her ex husband decided to split the boys at the time of their divorce were logical and valid. Things have changed and perhaps I’ll get into that in my next post as to why or how this happened but Tank is with us and our home is kinda like a frat house now only without all the girls or kegs of beer. Never a dull moment.

And so with more than half my life behind me, I find myself with two young boys in my charge, a wife who loves me, a daughter who is embarking on her journey and some lovely pets. Could be better. I mean I could have a nicer house, better job, more money, better knees. : )

but life ain’t too bad right now. Not bad at all.

the longest night

Tonight may be the winter solstice, but for the last four nights I have been woken up at two or three in the morning which in my mind blows tonight out of the water.

Last night it was a storm and a leaky ceiling that woke me up. Towels placed under the “drip, drip, drip, drip” didn’t do a thing to help me go back to sleep. I finally drifted off about 5:30 and of course woke up late for work.

The night before The Little Man woke up about 3:00am from a nightmare. Bad guys broke into the house and were tryijng to get him. Emmie explained he didn’t have to worry about that because if any “bad guys” even tried to get in the house, they would have to get through our dog Charlie . And if they were lucky enough to get passed him, they’d have to get passed me and my shotgun.

Tuesday night it was cats fighting and the night before Emmie woke up complaining that her heart was racing. It in fact was but I was able to talk her down off the ledge. We think she was freaking out over a final that morning. I guess that’s part of sleeping with a college girl.

I hope tonight is different. I’ve got a sinus infection that’s coincidentally been around since these middle-of-the-night-wake-ups started happening. Feels like it’s been one REALLY long night.

Here’s to hoping for uninterrupted sleep.
Happy Winter Solstice y’all.

Solstice Bells by Jethro Tull

the power of prayer and my magic ring

The past few weekends The Deistette and I have been working for my sister in-law at a wedding facility she manages.  She was short handed at the last minute one weekend so we agreed to help her out. Well, that one weekend has turned into four. I shouldn’t complain. I mean the extra money has been nice but because it’s about an hour away from us so it makes for a pretty long day.

It’s a neat venue for having a wedding.  They do the ceremony in a small garden-like area that can accommodate about 150 people. The couple does their thing in a gazebo to exchange vows and afterward everyone heads into the reception hall about 30 feet away.

A couple of hours into the reception, someone will start putting away the chairs and decorations from the ceremony. Last weekend that someone was me. Ugh. There I stood looking at a hundred wooden folding chairs thinking, “holy crap it’s humid out here.”  It took me about 40 minutes and two trips to load them onto a flatbed cart, wheel them to the storage area and unload them. Afterward I went back into the reception hall and started picking up plates, restocking items in the kitchen, breaking down the bar, then other clean up. It was pretty much non-stop until we left.

Ugh… when we left.  That’s when I realized that I’d lost my ring… my wedding ring. God I was sick. I took it off when I started putting away the chairs because I didn’t want it to get smashed or cut into my fingers ’cause I was sure my hands would start swelling as I was putting them away.

After telling The Deistette about my lost ring, I called my sister in-law while we drove home. My sister in-law had already left the venue but said she would take a look the next day.

Well, she didn’t go in like she thought she would on Sunday and wouldn’t be there until Monday afternoon. I was sure I had put it in the pocket of the vest I was wearing so it would have to be in the washing machine — unless it fell out while I had been putting the chairs away.  Holy crap.

She didn’t call until about 5:00 Monday evening.  She said she was sorry but she couldn’t find it and she had looked everywhere she thought it might be.

The next day I checked my pants again and again. I checked the floorboard of the car, under the mats, under the seats. I checked around the driveway where we park. Nothing, nothing, nothing and nothing.

I don’t think I’ve ever really delved into the details of my spiritual beliefs other than what I have in the title of this blog and the two tabs about the beliefs of a deist and UU. Not to get into a long treatise about it but I will say part of my spiritual practice includes prayer  — and not like praying to win the lottery or praying for the healing of a loved one. Just prayers of thanks is mostly what I have in my bag of prayers.

But that night, as Emmie fell asleep and I lay there in the dark…    against everything I believe about prayer, I prayed my ass off  that my ring would somehow make its way back to me. I prayed that I would relive in my dreams the events of when I put it away.  I begged my memory not to fail me any longer and give me even the slightest hint where it might be. I rolled over and touched Emmie’s hand where she wears her ring and fell asleep.

The next day when I got back home from work, Emmie told me she found my guitar capo. It had been banging around in the dryer while she was doing our laundry. The night before I had been looking all over for it before heading off to band rehearsal but couldn’t find it. Then she said, “look what else I found.” And put my wedding ring in my hand.

I was stunned. All I could do was hug her. And believe it or not, I cried. I was so happy to have it again. And in a really sweet, whispering, sort of lilting way she said, “you have your magic ring back.”

She said it must have been in my shirt. I don’t know. I swear I checked every pocket I had twice. Who knows, maybe it was in my shirt pocket or maybe it fell into the cuff of my pants leg.

The Deist's wedding ring with inscription that reads "my friend who is next to me"

I’ve called it my magic ring for a while saying it keeps me and The Deistette connected. I usually say it within ear shot of my stepson but being 7 years old he’s getting to an age where he doesn’t really believe in magic anymore.  The tooth fairy, Easter bunny and Santa Claus have kinda had their day for him.

I don’t know.

What I do know is one day I didn’t have my magic ring and now I do. Maybe there is something to that prayer thing after all — or maybe my ring is magic and keeps me and my wife connected after all.

a young man goes to war

I had a tense conversation with one of my employees earlier today.  Our conversation was about her not coming to work on Monday which is a pretty important day of the month for us and our clients. It’s the deadline for paying Sales and Use Tax for the month.

The reason she isn’t coming is because her son is going to Army bootcamp in five days… November 21st.  She says she doesn’t think she’ll be coming in to work because she is going to see him off.

Being that I have been in the military, that I worked at the Marine Corps recruiting headquarters here which coincidentally is in the same building as the military entrance processing station for all branches, I know with utmost certainty how it happens and I know she won’t be occupied to the extent that she thinks she can’t come to work on the day when filing and paying sales tax for our 150 clients is due.

For whatever reason she thinks it’s going to be some drawn out experience where she gets to say goodbye to her boy, who is in fact a 21 year old man — ok, fine… he’s a boy still, especially to momma.  Either way, she thinks it could be that she won’t be done until 1 or 2pm and by then what’s the use in coming in.  It is undoubtedly, wishful thinking.

The sad fact of the matter is when she gets there at 6:00am, she will have at MOST a half hour, maybe an hour to say goodbye.   And like ripping off a bandaid that’s been stuck to skin and hair for three days, the recruiter is gonna snatch that boy up, throw him in a van and send him to Missouri for bootcamp.

After talking with her for about 20 minutes I finally got through to her that I KNOW what and how the processing happens and that she would not be there until well into the afternoon but would be done by 7:00 or so and would have plenty of time to make it in to work.

She finally said, “well, I don’t know how I’m going to be feeling. I mean for two months since he told me but especially the last couple of weeks, I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I cry all the time and I’m sure I’ll be upset after I leave and even if I do come in I won’t be able to do the filings.”

She was tearing up as she said it.

I get that.  I totally get that. She didn’t need to make up some bullshit story about it would take a long time and that she wouldn’t get here till 2 or 3 in the afternoon and traffic and distance other excuses.

I… get… THAT.

[sigh]
Our country is at war. Her son is entering the military, and our sons and daughters are dying.  I get that.

We shouldn’t be at war. We shouldn’t have the need to send our sons and daughters to a far away land.

When I was at basic infantry school we had an instructor who was a desert storm veteran say to us, “I hope some day I’m out of a job.”  In the context of what he was saying, he meant he hoped for a day when our country wouldn’t need someone to teach small arms tactics. He hoped for a day when our country wouldn’t need to train young men and women to kill.

I pray that day comes. I fear it never will.

Captain Monster and the Ghost

Halloween. We here at ol’ Casa Deist don’t really go crazy or even really plan too far in advance our costumes or anything for Halloween. And it seems like we always are scrambling to try and do something and wind up regretting not making a better effort towards being prepared for this.

I mean I found my costume  (basically a felt hat with weird little eyes and a godzilla-esque mane on top) just a couple of days ago.

And I gotta be real honest… I LOVE IT!!!!  As for the Little Man, it was the same thing. In fact, we thought he would just go with something from the past but at the last minute he found something else he really wanted and the Deistette and I relented and let him take his costume up a notch on the scary level from previous years.

Before he had been a chef and I think a ninja turtle or something rather benign.  What he picked for this year was a sort of ghost type of mask.  But that’s it. Nothing else, just the mask.  So like I said, not having really planned in advance I wound up racing home from work stopping off at a fabric store to get some white cloth so he wouldn’t have to step out simply wearing a white button up shirt and white pants.

While there I found the perfect addition to my already perfect mask. Perfectly matching felt fabric I could turn into a cape.

Shwinnng! Score!

The Little Man and I posed for a few pics before heading out into the wilds of our neighborhood on the hunt for sweet, tasty loot.

Happy Halloween y’all!!!

coppin’ a feel in old age

A few days ago after my wife woke up I said to her, “i think my body produces some sort of viagra-like substance from about 5:30 to 6:30 in the morning. See?”

“Oh my God! Put that thing away. We have to get up.”

“But I am.”

“Annnnd… get ready for work and put the boy on the bus.”

I chase my wife around the house quite often. Occasionally I catch her. So despite being in my mid-40s, I am so not in the target market for the commercials for cialis that state, “so you can be ready.” or something to that effect.

I suspect it will happen eventually. Who knows.

Sex aside… I hope that The Deistette and I are like these two folks here in 20 years. I cried with laughter at watching this vid but analyzing it and their behavior a little deeper than the surface shows a couple that is so comfortable with each other it incites hope for long-term marriage.

It does in me anyway… as well as hope for continued peeks at boobies.
Burp! excuse me.

college chicks are SO hot

A couple of weeks ago at I work I announce to my co-workers (who are all women) “well, I’ve got something I have to say. I know I don’t really talk too much about my personal life but this could impact my life here at work a little.”

I paused a little and was rather surprised at how intently my three co-workers were focused on what I was saying.

And in a full, deliberate voice I announce, “I’ve decided to sleep with a college girl.”

Lilly’s jaw gaped open… astonished at what I had just said.  Roxanna whispered out an “oh my God.” and then covered her mouth. Norma dropped her head into her hand.  It was almost like two of the  three monkeys that are the see, hear and speak no evil monkeys.

Ok, so this is a cheap and shameless attempt to spike the WP stats a little, although it is a true story.

I spilled the beans and admitted that although I was going to soon be sleeping with a really hot college girl, that college girl is my wife.

Yep, The Deistette is going back to school to finish her undergrad degree… hopefully.  Cross your fingers for us.  It’s going to be a long road and hopefully our budget can sustain us being poor college kids for the next three years.  She starts on Monday.

Of course, I can’t help but want to say this to The Boy.

My UU church must change

I stumbled over a post by WordPress blogger Wondertwisted yesterday.
I thought of adding this comment to her post, “Dear John letter to UUism” but it began to run so long I figured I’d just use it as a post here for my readers as well.  Her post describes her painful decision to leave UUism and why. I think she is spot on.

***

You know, Cindy I thought of your post all day and much of this morning. And like I said in an earlier comment, I agree with what you say but what I’ve thought most of is the bigger question, that is: where has Unitarian Universalism failed you and others who feel like you do.

Full disclosure: I am a lay leader in my congregation and have been one of those who have side-stepped so many issues for fear of upsetting someone’s delicate sensitivities that I have not stood up against what I believe is a wrong direction for UUism in my congregation and as a whole.

I think there is a systemic problem with UUism.  Its current incarnation is flawed.  In my opinion, it comes down to at least these three things.

1) We have no dogma.  We have nothing that we all collectively say, “we believe  (this)  . And to be part of this religion you must believe    (this)   .”  Sure we have the seven principles but it is not the same as what the Abrahamic religions have in this regard.
Our lack of dogma is what we embrace and vocalize to the mountains, yet just as much as it is a medicine; it is also a poison.  We MUST change our mindset about not having a shared, common belief that we find so sacred that we would die for it, were it trampled or defamed.  If we do not, we are not bound. I believe there will eventually be a schism or at least a significant drop in membership and this faith will fade into nothingness.

2), We have placed social justice / political liberal activism above religion, worship and salvation. The tail is wagging the dog!
Because a person believes gay people should marry doesn’t mean they should be a UU. Because you believe people should earn a fair wage doesn’t mean you should be a UU.  The list could go on.
It should be the other way around. It should be I am a UU and because of that I believe   (this)   about   (this)   social/political issue.

3) We have no identity.  We don’t know what UUism or being a UU is. We have drifted so far from our roots and painted with such a broad stroke the idea of inclusiveness that we have muddied our identity to the point we can’t see who we should or used to be.
Calling the goddess, Buddhist singing bowls, washing of feet.
Really?  [insert eye roll here]
If that’s a personal practice and you feel it is important… that’s awesome. That’s great if it makes you a better person. Leave it at home though.
Spinning dradles or painting ourselves for Diwali is not a UU thing.  Fasting during Ramadan… not a UU thing.  Pick your favorite other-religion-ritual and place it here → [  ___  ]  It isn’t a UU thing.
Let’s be UUs in our sanctuary and leave the snake handling for home practice.

just call me Rev.

So my dad, in his sarcastic way he says things, proclaims to a co-worker that I am a minister and that I had been asked by my brother to marry him and his fiance (now wife).

About 10 years ago I signed up online to become an ordained minister.  Crazy, huh. You know kinda like in that episode of Friends where Joey is going to officiate the wedding of Monica and Chandler because he was ordained online.

Anyway, so my co-worker Irma then says, “you’re a minister?
“yeah.”
“so what are the requirements.”
“Not much.  You just kinda sign up.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep. It’s kinda like becoming a journalist. Just grab a pen and a notebook and boom… you’re  a journalist.”
“So they don’t do like a background check?”
“Well, no.”
“Man, that’s scary.”
“Scary?”
“Well yeah, I mean… anyone could be a minister.  Anyone could just sign up like you know like a child molester or a rapist or you know someone… someone who isn’t right.”
“isn’t right.”
“yeah, you know like anyone who does bad things.”
“Hm. Yeah I guess so.  Kinda makes you wonder who ‘they’re” just letting go out be a minister.”

I’d hate to think that child molesters (several priests), guys who just aren’t right (David Koresh) and just anyone (Ted Haggard) could be a minister. That would be terrible.

So the gays have taken over New York

I tweeted this a little earlier today.  Thought I’d share my snarkasm with my wordpress peeps, too.

http://bit.ly/jSWkJR

On the same topic, this video from two years ago is still relevent and quite funny today.